To the people who feel paused…

Dear people who feel paused,

I have a yellow journal with white pages. If you open it, the first 3 pages will be filled with my scribbles and teal blue fountain pen ink. These were the pages where I had written out my goals and resolutions last January.

If you turn the pages further, you will see they remain blank. I didn’t fill in anything because I couldn’t achieve any of my goals and resolutions. Like you, I too, went on pause last year. And I am glad I did.

Yes, I did not travel to any of my dream destinations. Yes, I did not lose any weight. Yes, I did not make a lot of videos. Does that mean last year was a lie? No.

In the last year, I read so many books and fell in love with each of them. I called up my friends from school and college, spread across the globe, and laughed till it hurt. I called my mom twice, daily.

I finally learnt how to make the perfect coffee in a French press. I fell in love with a cat and would now consider adopting one. I wrote and wrote and felt happier and happier. I learnt to clean my house and my mind — to make do with less — to donate what was excess. I picked up a new course on marketing. You will not see these written in my yellow journal.

To all of you who feel paused, don’t go back to those 3 pages in your yellow journal. These goals and resolutions — they are mostly not for us. They are not us. As a society, we only celebrate the spectacular wins, the shiny golden end goals.

What about the process? The process of becoming a better, self-aware, kinder, responsible human being? The process of creating and nurturing and empathizing? Why doesn’t that matter in your life?

The innumerable ways that growth happens in the mundanity of our daily lives — even in waking up every day and reading a page or brewing the perfect coffee and keeping our desks clean.

We think people care a lot about our goals and resolutions. They don’t. We care for their validation, their love, their attention, even their envy. We make life into a race where we need to have a ticker running — to make us feel like we are achievers. It’s about the process of becoming who you are — not just ticking off goals and moving onto the next sprint. Life is already difficult and unfair — why are we still so harsh on ourselves?

To people who are on pause, you are lucky. Be grateful for it. If you do buy a new yellow journal, write down these small wins every day and know that even if you are reading this, your life means a lot.

Love,

The girl who loved being on pause.